What I do when I'm sad
cry in the shower, etc
I got sad today. One minute I was standing in the kitchen eating a strawberry and the next minute it was like someone had dialled up gravity and I wasn’t emotionally stable enough to be vertical.
I was like, hey, not cool, I’m busy trying to form strong amateur opinions on the men’s Olympic synchronised diving, could we do this sudden onset devastation later?
As always, I did an inventory of my possible concerns: that time of the month, constitutionally predisposed to depression, recent bruise to my ego, state of the world, forthcoming life changes, ongoing chronic illness, thought about mortality a smidge too much recently. I’m trying this new thing, though, where I try not to overanalyse sadness. I find it stops me from actually feeling it. So, I tried feeling it. I sat with it, I looked at it, I danced and sung through it.
It’s dinner time in London and I’m feeling better. Not jump-around, light-on-my-feet happy. But like I’ve caught myself before I went any further into the sadness.
It occurred to me, to share my sadness-mitigating activities with you.
Please note. These are some things that helped me; I don’t know if they’re gonna help you. Nevertheless, I’m gonna send them, like a message in a bottle, out on the waves. Here ya go xx
Activities for dealing with sudden onset sadness
Today’s edition
That helped me
And may or may not help you
Cheers and kind regards
Wallowed for a while. Got into the foetal position. Identified my feeling: Oh, it’s sadness. Detecting a little loneliness in there, too.
Had a shower. Cried in the shower. When actual tears did not come because it was the dry-eye type of sadness, I approximated crying, i.e. opened my mouth and did a silent scream so that I was at least releasing something from my body.
Made sure I ate enough. I had lost my appetite, but I was like, body, we are not dealing with this empty-stomached. I made sure I was getting some cool protein, some nice fats, some carbs, and some deliciousness.
Put on a playlist called “dramatic girlies” which includes some of my favourites at their moodiest: Lana del Ray, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, The Corrs.
Danced moodily. I am low on energy, so I did my dancing sitting down. A lot of upper body swaying, many hand gestures. I closed my eyes and just instinctively moved to the music, picturing the sadness leaving my body. Sounds mad; works.
Went outside.
Sat in the sun.
Took a parcel to the post office and congratulated myself for this gargantuan achievement.
Sung incorrectly remembered lyrics to a Robin song without worrying what I sounded like (quite good, but that’s beside the point). I always forget that singing helps. Humming, too. Making noise with my body reminds me that I’m alive, I think.
Did some stretches. Gentle ones.
Put my bare feet on grass. Listened to a bird.
Looked at my dog. Told my dog he’s the best boy in the whole world. Made eye contact with my dog for the oxytocin. Nuzzled my face into my dog’s neck and received kisses on the forehead from my dog. Felt so grateful for my dog’s existence.
Checked, double-checked I had taken my medication this morning.
Watched an Instagram video where a woman makes tiny, tiny food in a tiny, tiny kitchen. Then put my phone in a drawer.
Told someone. In this case, my boyfriend, when he got back from work.
Sought out cuddles.
Bought myself a new pen.
Read some book so that I could disappear into someone else’s thoughts for a bit.
Put my hand on my heart. Wrapped my arms around myself. Rocked back and forth. Stroked my own arms in a comforting way. Told myself I was doing really, really well.
Wrote this newsletter hoping it would make me feel useful and awake and capable and yeah, it kinda did.
And now I’m going to have dinner, watch something inane on telly, ask for some reassurance, look at my dog, put my legs up a wall before bed, read, sleep, and hope for less sadness tomorrow.
Good luck with your emotions, whatever they may be. Thank you for being here. Please, tell me the doable things you do to ward off the sadness.
(And please know that I’m not suggesting these things are a cure, or that they could fix a serious mental health condition, or that they’re gonna be your style).
Go well, friends. Cry in the shower. xxx
ENTHUSIASM is a newsletter for people who feel strongly about things. Like, for example, potatoes, human rights and former members of the boy band One Direction. Here, we contain multitudes.
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Kate Leaver is an editor, author, and former professional fairy. She writes about dogs, friendship, love, pop culture, sadness, and Taylor Swift. She’s currently writing her first novel, a cautionary tale about fame. She’s represented by Jemima Forrester at David Higham Associates and she really really loves her dog.
Totally agree with a trip to the post office being a gargantuan undertaking! Well done! I applaud you! And thank you so much for sharing your list of what helps when you are feeling sad! Wishing you brighter days ahead! 💝💝💝👏👏👏
this newsletter always brings me joy. Even when it’s about sadness (I’m not joyful you are sad, to clarify!). Fraiser, Parks and Rec and Poirot never fail me when I need them xxxxx